


'Til Death Do Us Part (Paused)

by anitawrites (anitamendes)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Arranged Marriage, F/M, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, please bear with me it's my first fan fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:55:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22594387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anitamendes/pseuds/anitawrites
Summary: You are the daughter of a high-ranking military officer. Your duty is very simple. Marry, have children, and look beautiful at all times.You spend most of your time locked up in your room though, because you aren't married yet, and there's nothing else for you, a woman, to do.That is, until your parents come back with a mysterious guest.It's finally time for you to be married off to some stranger, as you always knew you would be. Of course you hadn't expected for this stranger to be the most powerful, and quite frankly the most broken and infuriatingly mysterious man in the entire galaxy.I may finish in the future, but for now this is on pause. Sorry about any inconvenience.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

Sundays were always slow. In fact, every day was slow. Your parents were rarely at home, now that you and your brother were old enough to take care of yourselves. They were usually out on official business, but as a woman, you were never allowed to know what any of it was about. You had tried to make your brother tell you as soon as you realized he always knew, for some clearly unfair reason, but of course you weren’t close enough for him to risk his privileges for you. So while your brother was left in charge of receiving any guests who visited during your parents’ absences, you made it a habit to stay in your quarters in silence. It was one thing not to be allowed to take part in any official business, another to have to act as a wallflower, and smile gracefully to people who never noticed you. It was easier to leave that to your brother, who knew what he was doing and was allowed to actually talk to people. 

This Sunday was not exception. It was the end of spring, but things like that didn’t matter on spaceships. Apart from calendars and clocks, it seemed impossible to notice that time was even passing by, if ever so slowly. When you woke up at seven in the morning, the same silence was weighing down in your quarters, the same clothes were laid out in your bathroom, the same breakfast had been prepared in your living space, and the same feeling of absolute loneliness completely enveloped you from the moment you opened your eyes. Characters in your favorite novels always seemed to long for quiet and comfortable routines once their adventures started. You never understood why. 

After rubbing the sleepiness from your eyes, and sighing deeply, you got out of bed, only to be met with the usual cold temperature that always made you feel like you were the only life form in a long-abandoned military base. After wrapping yourself up in a heavy black robe to try to warm yourself up, you slowly made your way to the living room, and sat down at the small table, no caring for any of the proper manners and etiquette that dozens of tutors had hammered into your brain for the past nineteen years. You always made sure to respect every rule in public because you knew it was the only thing expected of you, as the daughter of a high-ranking military officer, but in the privacy of your own quarters, you just didn’t see the point. It wasn’t as if anyone could tell on you or anything.

After slowly eating your breakfast, which was mostly made up of bread and various jams and butter, and quickly brushing your teeth, you made yourself your usual hot cup of tea, that you then brought back to bed with you. It was way too early for you to start getting ready, and considering that the odds of you seeing anyone today were extremely slim, you probably wouldn’t get around to it anyway. 

Sighing once again, you picked up the latest novel you had been reading, which told the tale of a daughter of the Empire running away with a handsome Jedi to train in the ways of the Force. You knew she would eventually fall in love with him, but while you were a hopeless romantic yourself, and often dreamed of meeting your own knight in shining armure, you weren’t reading this particular book for the romance. It was the adventure that you craved, the inexplicable thrill that you felt every time you thought of running away too, of picking up a lightsaber and making your own destiny. 

Of course, you knew very well what your future looked like. Chances were your parents would soon find a respectable man for you to marry, you would be expected to bear children, a son and a daughter if you were lucky, and that would be the end of it. But there was no harm in dreaming. Well, except for the fact that this particular book you were reading was forbidden for most people, what with the runaway princess joining the rebels and the Jedi knight and all. But you weren’t most people. You also suspected that your mother knew how dull your future would turn out to be, and that this was the time for dreams.

Your morning went by very slowly as always, despite the fascinating, and quite frankly exciting novel you were reading. You were on your second cup of tea, when the maid and the chef walked in. The first quickly and silently cleaned out your breakfast, and the second quietly knocked on your door to come ask what you would want to eat for lunch. You quickly marked your page before slipping to book under your pillow, aware that you could still get in trouble for even having it in your quarters, and got up to go answer. 

“Hello Sandra!” you tried to sound enthusiastic, but even with the two cups of tea, you heard how rough your voice sounded after days of only talking to your private chef twice a day. She gave you an understanding smile, then asked, as usual, what you wanted. “Surprise me” was always your answer. There weren’t many occasions for surprises in your life. This was as exciting as you knew it would ever get. 

Sandra went back to the kitchen to get to work, and the maid silently left. It was pretty much a new one everyday, and you never had a chance to learn their names. Sandra was therefore your only friend, even though your knowledge of what could be considered friendship was extremely limited, and you suspected from your novels that calling her a friend was probably a very loose application of the word. But she was the only person you interacted with on a daily basis, and seeing that you were constantly trying your hardest not to die of loneliness, you would take what you could get.

You closed the door again, and got back to your book and your tea. You knew you had about twenty minutes before Sandra called you to eat, and you had definitely started to care about the romance enough to be excited for it to happen already. Living through book characters had become your specialty. By the time you were called to the living room, their first kiss had happened, and you hated that you couldn’t take the book with you to read it while you were eating. 

After wrapping yourself back into your robe, you stepped out of your room to be greeted by the delicious smell of your favorite meal. You tried to repress a squeal, as Sandra only chose to cook that on very special occasions. But judging by Sandra’s discreet chuckling, you knew you weren’t doing a very good job of hiding your excitement. You were so excited in fact, that you almost missed the slightly nostalgic glimmer in her smile, as she turned away to wipe her eyes. Almost.

“What is it Sandra?” you asked, feeling your stomach drop. You may have felt like she was your friend, but she very rarely displayed any emotions in front of you, and was usually perfectly professional. Something was wrong. You bit your lips, waiting for her to tell you, but the glimmer in her eyes turned to full sobs. You didn’t know what to do. After all, what was appropriate for the daughter of a high-ranking officer to do when her personal chef inexplicably broke down in her living room? So you just sat there, your heart breaking as you tried to prepare yourself for whatever would come next. 

“I’m sorry, miss. I’m just being ridiculous” she finally managed to articulate between two sobs, and you could hear the pain in her voice. 

“Sandra, what happened? Are mother and father alright?” you suddenly asked, feeling the anxiety taking over.

“Yes, yes of course. In fact, they’ll be here tonight. You’re expected to join them for dinner. They wanted me to tell you that a very important guest would be joining, so you should be prepared for that also” she explained, slowly gaining control of her emotions. For some reason, you couldn’t quite feel the excitement that should have come with both the news of your parents’ early return, and the fact that you wouldn’t be spending the whole day locked up in your ivory tower. 

“Do you know who it is?” you asked, not really expecting an answer. Sandra simply shook her head. You knew this didn’t mean that she didn’t know. It meant she wasn’t allowed to tell you. You bit your bottom lip. Despite the urge to do so, you wouldn’t try to make her tell you. You knew Sandra was too sweet and would eventually cave in, and she would get in serious trouble for it. The thought of harassing your brother came to mind, but you knew too well that that would lead nowhere. 

Sighing, you sat down and started eating, after properly thanking Sandra of course. Even though the food was delicious, there was a huge lump in your throat that kept you from enjoying it. Who was the guest? And why were you invited to dine with them? Somehow, you had the feeling that nothing good would come of it. Sandra had just had a massive breakdown, supposedly because of this news, and that did nothing to calm your nerves. 

“Your parents will be expecting you to welcome them at the docking bay at five, miss” Sandra finally said, before gently squeezing your shoulder, and quietly leaving. You remained silent. Sandra had never touched you before. This strangely felt like goodbye. 

After finally finishing your meal, you looked at the clock. It was one. Four hours before you found out who was coming, and hopefully why. You decided to start getting ready straight away, both to have something to do instead of driving yourself crazy trying to figure out what was going on, and because you would be expected to look perfect, and perfection took time. 

Twenty minutes of boiling hot water did nothing to relax your muscles, so you finally gave up and stepped out of the shower, wrapping yourself up in a towel, using another one to wrap around your hair. You then completed your extensive skin care routine, which quite frankly made you feel ridiculous. Under no circumstances would anyone step close enough to your face to see the difference. You then brushed your teeth again, and quickly blow dried your hair so as not to catch a cold. Someone would soon come in to do your hair and makeup anyways. 

You then stepped into your dressing room, knowing the casual clothes already laid out in your bathroom would never do. You chose a heavy, black dress that covered every inch of skin from the neck down, both because it certainly wouldn’t be appropriate for you to show anything other than your face and hands, and because the intricate artwork made out of solid gold covering your chest and stomach made you feel like you were wearing an armure. You would certainly need that feeling to face this wildly unexpected, and quite frankly terrifying diner.

A couple of hours later, at half past four to be precise, you were left alone, standing in front of the tall mirror in your bedroom. The person looking back at you didn’t feel like you at all. The dress was the only thing giving you the illusion of safety and strength. The intricate hairstyle pulled all your hair away from your face and neck, making you feel strangely exposed, and the deep, red lipstick made your lips the focus of the attention. Your skin had been covered in foundation and concealer, and the heavy blush made you strangely resemble what you imagine female characters looked like during especially romantic moments. You almost looked… in love. It suddenly dawned on you that you looked absolutely, and perfectly beautiful. 

Everything in your head just clicked. Your parents coming back early. The mysterious guest. The unexpected invitation. Sandra’s breakdown. 

You were going to meet your future husband.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet your fiancé?

The short walk between your private quarters and the docking bay normally took about five minutes. Today, those five minutes felt like five seconds and five thousand years at the same time. 

Trying your best to keep a normal pace, you could feel your hands shaking with nervousness and fear. While you had imagined this day a thousand times in a thousand different ways, you had never thought you would be alone. You always imagined your mother would be holding your hand when you saw him for the first time. Or maybe you would have somehow made a friend by then, and they would be by your side. 

The reality was much harsher. You were trying your best to hide your nerves, knowing that what you hoped was a soft smile on your face probably looked very fake. The dress suddenly felt too tight, the makeup too much, and breathing was harder than it had ever been. You were about to meet your future husband, and you almost laughed at how ridiculous the thought was. Was there still time to run away like the characters in your books?

The few stormtroopers patrolling the halls and the door to the docking bay that you could now see at the end of the corridor told you that there was no way you could pull that off now. You took a few seconds to gather yourself, trying to smooth out invisible wrinkles in your dress to calm your nerves. This is was you’ve been training for your whole life, you tried to tell yourself. You can do this. 

Stepping into the docking bay very much felt like stepping into your own grave. You knew this was going to be the first day of the rest of your life, and it felt like you were leaving everything you had ever known and been behind. 

You calmly positioned yourself a few yards away from where your parent’s shuttle was expected to land. Looking over the bay, and the white helmets hiding faces you’d never seen, and would probably never see either, you realized how little you were going to miss this place when you would eventually leave. Standing here, alone, surrounded by faceless strangers, you certainly didn’t feel like you were home. And despite the fear of the unknown and the pressure to please your future husband and successfully maintaining your family’s honorable reputation, you realized that somehow, you also felt hope. Hope that you would like the man chosen by your parents, hope that your new life would be nothing like the boring nothing you had known until then, and hope that somehow you would finally find a home.

You finally saw the protective barrier being deactivated, and the familiar shuttle loudly entered the station. No matter how many time you witnessed it, you still felt the familiar rush of adrenaline, knowing perfectly well that it was most likely for something to go wrong during takeoff and landing. Of course, that had never happened. But you still felt yourself take a few steps back, as stormtroopers were getting ready to intervene, just in case. 

Once the shuttle had landed, you straightened your clothes, ran a hand through your carefully braided hair, and tried to check your lipstick in a window. When the shuttle door unlocked, you felt your body tense with anticipation and nervousness. It felt like it took years for the door to reach the floor. When it finally did, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. 

Your parents were standing there, looking as fierce and important as ever, hand in hand. You knew very well that it was all a show though, as you could count on your fingers the number of times your parents had been in the same room in private without trying to tear each other apart. Was your marriage going to be the same?

Nervously, you nodded to your father, then to your mother. You gave them a tight lipped smile, which was the only thing you could possibly do that hopefully wouldn’t give too much of your fear away. You saw your father return your nod before turning around and addressing someone still hidden in the darkness of the shuttle. And then you saw him. 

Stepping into the light, you first noticed his surprisingly red hair. You’d read about people with red hair in novels of course, but you had never seen one before. His hair was short, perfectly straight, and carefully combed away from his face. You couldn’t really see much of his face from where you were standing, but you could tell that he was tall. He was taller than your father, and certainly much taller than your mother. You could at least be happy about that. You’d hoped you wouldn’t be married to someone shorter than you, not that your parents cared.

Realizing you were staring, you turned away from the man, and looked back to your mother, whose face was as still and coldly beautiful as ever. Your heart stopped for a second when all three of them started walking towards you. They moved with a sophisticated elegance that clearly showed how important they all were. You gathered yourself one last time, before you started to walk towards them as well. 

After a few agonizing seconds, you could finally see his face. His traits were strict, his brows as red as his hair, and you could see that his eyes were so green that they should have been beautiful, had it not been for the terrifying determination in them. He barely looked at you, instead he seemed to be examining the docking bay. You once again looked at your mother, confused as to how to act in the face of so much indifference. Finding no answers, you turned to you father. 

“Welcome home, father” you said calmly, though you couldn’t quite hold back a small smile, which he warmly returned. “Welcome home, mother” you then said, knowing that the real greetings would be done in private, with the hugging and the happy tears. Your mother had always been cold in public, anxious to preserve her rigid appearance, and you were used to it. You never held it against her. 

“Thank you Y/N” your father replied with a deep, soothing voice that you had deeply missed. “May I present General Hux. He will be a guest here for the next several days” he then said, answering the most basic question. “General, this is my daughter, Y/N Y/LN.” General Hux was his name then.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you General Hux. Welcome to our home. My name is Y/N Y/L/N” you repeated uselessly, hearing the slight shakiness in your voice. You bit the inside of your cheek to try to calm yourself. He turned his green eyes to meet yours, and you could now see how cold they were. Surprising, and slightly terrifying, for someone whose hair looked like it was made of fire. 

“The pleasure is all mine” he replied, clearly not meaning a word. You held out your hand, he took it in his clothed, gloved one, and barely touched it with his lips, before letting it go quickly. 

Your father gave you a tiny smile before walking away with General Hux, leaving you and your mother alone. He was probably going to give him a tour of the station, which meant you wouldn’t have to do it. You let out the breath you’d been holding since that shuttle door had opened, and turned to your mother to finally hug her. 

“I’ve missed you, mom” you said with a faint, shaking voice. She gave you a tiny squeeze, which was the most affection you could expect out in the open, and then let you go to give you an approving look.

“You look perfect” she said, the pride obvious in her voice.

“Thank you. Hopefully it was enough” you said, glancing at where your father and General Hux had disappeared moment ago. “So what do you think of him?” you asked, anxious to hear you mother’s opinion. 

“About General Hux? He’s everything a man of his rank should be. He’s very intelligent and determined. A little obsessed with the First Order, but he wouldn’t have been as successful if he hadn’t been. He’s authoritative, and he doesn’t tolerate disobedience, which is crucial for a general of course. I have to admit he can be a little bit boring, especially if discussing military strategy and First Order ideology isn’t your passion” she added, and you felt a huge wave of disappointment wash over you. So you were going to marry a boring control freak. “Nothing for you to worry about though, your father will do most of the talking anyway” she added, which made you frown.

“Yes, I supposed that’s how it’s gonna be, isn’t it...” you answered, already accepting the fact that, judging by your mother’s description of the man, you would probably never find a way to connect meaningfully with your future husband. 

“Well don’t sound so surprised! What did you expect?” she chuckled. You could almost feel your heart breaking at the idea of your mother being amused by your future misery. 

“Nothing I guess. I just hoped…” you started, then bit your lip, knowing better than to express your hopes and dreams out loud, especially in public. 

“Hoped what, darling?” she asked innocently. You considered telling her after all.

“Nothing. It’s nothing mother” you finally shook your head. You would have to get used to keeping things to yourself with a husband like that anyways. “Let’s get ready for diner” you tried to sound cheerful, looping your arm around your mother’s.

“He is handsome though” she added as a second thought. 

“I suppose” you replied, not quite convinced that you agreed, or that it even mattered. It certainly wouldn’t be enough for you to be happy enduring your future life as the quiet, obedient wife of the general. 

When you reached your mother’s quarters, it took all of five minutes for your mother to get ready. She was always perfect either way. She mostly needed to use the bathroom, and touch up your lipstick. She gently told you to stop biting your lips, which meant that she would murder you in front of General Hux if you didn’t. 

When you finally arrived at the dining hall, the entire place seemed foreign to you. It looked royal, as if Supreme Leader Snoke himself had been the guest of honor. But no, it was only your future husband, who was sat next to an empty chair that was obviously meant for you. 

You vaguely noticed that important members of the station’s guard were present, but none of them were familiar to you. So you were wrong about never seeing stormtroopers without their helmets after all. They looked oddly normal. You weren’t sure what you had expected.

You reached the seat next to General Hux, and he got up to pull the chair for you. You nodded, silently thanking him, before gracefully sitting down. He sat back in his chair, and you could have sworn he scooted away from you ever so slightly. You repressed a laugh. 

The diner seemed to go by in a blur. You barely touched your food, convincing yourself it was because you couldn’t afford to mess any of your makeup up anymore. But General Hux’s presence was suffocating. He wasn’t touching you, obviously, but it felt like he was twisting a knife between your ribs every single time he spoke. You tried to follow the conversation, not that you were allowed to participate, but not a single word coming out of his mouth made any sense. Despair was eating you alive. 

When the desert plates were taken away, you expected to be dismissed with your mother, so that your father could get a chance to discuss military tactics or the terms of your engagement. When General Hux turned to address you directly, you almost choked. 

“So I expect us to leave in two days, as I’m sure you’ve been told already. Please make sure to have your bags packed by then. Although it wouldn’t be appropriate for you to bring too many things with you. Your future husband should provide you with the essentials to begin your new life.” He said all this is a cool tone that sounded so insulting that you struggled to keep your composure. It was too much too fast, and your brain was melting. A quick glance towards your mother told you that this was not the time to mess up at all. Still, you were having such a hard time finding the appropriate thing to say. 

“When are we to be married” was the only thing you could manage. You regretted it instantly. 

A very long pause told you that this indeed qualified as messing up. Then, your father exploded in laughter, very soon joined by the stormtroopers. Your mother’s eyes were bigger than ever, and General Hux gave you a disapproving look. You could feel your cheek burn enough to add to the already heavy blush. 

“Oh honey, you’re not marrying General Hux!” your father managed to choke out between two barks of laughter. General Hux raised his left hand, which made you flinch before you could stop yourself. You noticed the gold band on his ring finger for the first time. 

“I’m flattered, but I’m already married” he said in flat tone, which you dismissed as being some sort of joke. Hopefully. You still didn’t understand. 

“I beg your pardon, general. I would never presume… I am quite confused, I thought…” You didn’t get a chance to finish before your mother cut you off. 

“General Hux is here to escort you to meet your fiance, sweetheart. Your father should really be doing this, but he couldn’t make himself available. Your fiance chose General Hux for this task instead. He will ultimately give you away at your wedding if your father cannot make it either” she explained calmly. 

Relief and confusion washed over you. So you weren’t marrying the ginger ice cube sat next to you. But one important question remained. 

“May I ask who I will be marrying then?” you asked softly. 

General Hux was the one to respond, with the same monotone voice. To anyone, it would have sounded like a regular conversation about the weather. To you, it sounded like a death sentence. 

“His name is Kylo Ren.” Your heart stopped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You leave your home after an interesting conversation with your mother.

The buzzing sound of the neon lights was what finally woke you up. You were lying in a bed that was not your own, and the memories started flowing back to you all at one. ‘His name is Kylo Ren’. The phrase haunted you, and panic started to overtake you. You tried to get up, but a small hand firmly pressed your shoulder back into the mattress. 

Taking a second to take in your surroundings, you understood that you were in the medical center of the station. You’d never seen it and the sterile, cold atmosphere made you wish you hadn’t come in the first place. Someone cleared their throat to get your attention, but you still felt out of it, and it took you a second to find your mother’s face. 

“Good. You’re awake. Now would you mind explaining to me what the hell happened?” She would have yelled if you had been in your quarters. Somehow, you were sure yelling and anger would have been better than the disappointed look on her face. 

“I’m not sure. I don’t… I don’t really remember…” you tried your best to sound calm and collected, but your voice was hoarse, and you could hear the shakiness. 

“You completely collapsed on the table. I thought General Hux was going to have a heart attack! I mean I noticed that you weren’t eating, but I didn’t think it was that bad! When was your last meal?” your mother demanded, but all you could think about was General Hux’s cool voice. His name is Kylo Ren. 

“I don’t… lunch was my last meal. But mother, it had nothing to do with the food,” you began explaining. Your mother looked at you in a way that very clearly said ‘remember where you are before you say anything’. You took a deep breath. “It was just the nerves. I was so sure I was going to marry General Hux, and I guess I didn’t expect Commander Ren to be…” You tried to find the proper way to explain how terrified and outraged and angry you were about your parents selling you off to a psychopathic killer, but the words just weren’t coming for some reason. 

“Well I don’t know where you got this ridiculous idea in the first place. General Hux would be terribly wrong for you,” your mother announced. 

“And Kylo Ren wouldn’t be?” you asked, unable to contain the incredulous tone of your voice. 

“I understand your uncertainty. But he is a powerful man, he would be able to keep you safe. And anyone who has met him can tell that he needs a calm presence in his life. You will be this calm presence. You should be honored. He is the Supreme Leader’s apprentice, and who knows? He may very well make you happy someday!” You mother was clearly trying her best to cheer you up. It wasn’t working. 

“Safe isn’t the same as happy. I’m sure it’s a great honor, but there are dozens of suitable men who could keep me safe and who don’t have famously murderous tendencies.” You could hear that you sounded like a whiny little girl, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. 

“These tendencies, as you call them, have saved the First Order numerous times. And they could save your life one day. Besides, he’s away on missions most of the time, so you won’t have to deal with him too often.”

“Then I suppose that makes me lucky. What do you expect of me? That I’m going to somehow manage his anger issues when he’s around, and the rest of the time, I’ll just have to ignore the fact that he will most likely be out killing people? He’s a monster!” You were yelling, and very much aware that everyone was staring. You still didn’t care.

“Y/N, you will calm down at once. This is not your decision to make, and your father and I know what we are doing. Your part is to make sure that this marriage is successful. What he does when he is away is his concern, not yours.” Her tone had a terrible finality to it. 

“But they say that his face and body are deformed, and that’s why he hides under his mask and cape all the time!” you protested, already knowing very well that you weren’t going to change her mind. You could tell you were defeated, as you had known your whole life that your opinion would never really matter. But the reality was much harder to swallow. 

“Honey, you know very well that your father’s position in the First Order is weakening, and that there are many who would kill to take his place.” You did not. “What he looks like is nothing compared to the advantages of such a marriage. No one would dare go against Commander Ren’s father-in-law. So you will do this. For your father, and for this family, you will wed him, and you will give him children. Quickly. When the time comes, if he really is deformed, close your eyes and imagine one of your book heroes. The stars know we all do,” your mother said, before leaving the room.

You couldn’t quite decide between feeling outraged by what your mother had just said, or terrified at the idea that it might be the truth. Was your best option really to pretend you were with a handsome Jedi knight, instead of a hideous Sith lord? And why was this your biggest concern? Maybe because having sex with him will be your main use, you told yourself, disgusted. 

You barely had the time to grab the bucket from the floor before you threw up what little food you had ingested during the day. A nurse quickly came to hold your hair and rub your back, something even your mother had never done for you. You were tempted to lean into the comforting touch, the idea that you may never know real physical affection in your marriage, or any affection in general, still clouding your mind.

Tears were starting to blur your vision, as you quietly thanked the nurse, before letting her take the bucket and laying back down. Closing your eyes, you tried to find much needed sleep, but you could only hear General Hux’s voice on repeat. ‘His name is Kylo Ren. His name is Kylo Ren. His name is Kylo Ren.’ 

The next time you woke up, it was to go back to your quarters to get your bags packed. 

Everything went by in such a blur that you barely remembered any of it. You could faintly recall putting some clothes in a bag, getting dressed, and walking around your room one last time as your bags were being carried out to the shuttle. You were trying to commit everything to memory, knowing you would very likely never get to stand here again. 

Standing in front of the open shuttle door in the docking bay, however, it was clear that these efforts had been pointless. No matter how you may have felt earlier, now that it was time to leave, and now that you knew that your future husband would be one of the most famous Sith lords alive, you knew you could never forget your home. It had felt like a prison, but now all you could feel was regret, and the pain of leaving the comfort behind.

Your parents and brothers were standing next to you. They wouldn’t be coming with you. General Hux, who was already inside the shuttle, would be last somewhat familiar face once you departed the station. You had never imagined that any of it would go like this. It seemed unfair that you were sent away to save your family’s future, and yet none of them would be helping you through it. 

With difficulty, you turned to look at them one last time. Propriety wouldn’t allow you to hug them one last time. Somehow, you knew it was for the better. You were already having such a hard time stopping yourself from crying, and hugging your mother certainly wouldn’t help. 

So you made sure sure to straighten your back, tried to square your shoulders, and gave them a solemn nod. Your mother’s eyes were shiny with tears, and your father’s were filled with pride. Your brother looked only slightly bored, which was an improvement from the usual exasperation. You tried to make sure you would remember this moment for a very long time. You didn’t know when you would see them again, and there was a strong possibility you would be the commander’s wife by then. The thought made you shudder. 

You gave them one last, tiny smile, and then started to make your way up the ramp. Your legs were shaking hard enough that you were sure you were going to fall. Fortunately, a stormtrooper grabbed your arm to help you step inside. You turned around one last time, and regretted it immediately. Your mother’s small body was shaking in your father’s arms, and your brother had already left.

You heard a faint voice giving an order in the background, and the door started closing. You couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down your face any longer, as you stood on your tippy toes to try and catch one last glance at your parents. When the door closed with a deafening sound, your heart shattered in a million pieces. 

This was it. Your old life had ended. And all you could think about to avoid the pain of considering your future, was that you had forgotten your book under your mattress. Now you would never know what happened to the runaway princess and the Jedi knight. What you did know, was that you would have gladly killed Kylo Ren himself to get a chance at their happiness. 

You made your way to the passenger area in the shuttle, and found a seat. You had never been inside the shuttle before, and even though you couldn’t remember a single time when you had seen it and not died to know what it looked like from the inside, you couldn’t have cared less about exploring it now. You didn’t care about the crew shouting commands and directions, you didn’t care about the stormtrooper asking you to buckle up, and you certainly didn’t care about General Hux sitting down in the chair next to you. 

“He reads thoughts, so I would be careful around him.” His voice broke the heavy silence, and you scoffed. Great, just what you needed. You could feel the general’s uneasiness. “If you ever tell him I said this, I’ll kill you with my bare hands. But he’s really not as bad as everyone says he is,” you faintly heard him add. You knew, deep down, that he was trying to help, but you were resisting the urge to scream at him. 

“Will he be a loving husband?” You heard the ice in your voice. The silence gave you your answer. “Then ‘not as bad’ doesn’t really make a difference.” 

“You may find, in time, that if he isn’t loving, he is loyal. You will be safe with him. For women in your situation, giving up on romantic love is a small price to pay for the protection and safety he can offer you.” You could feel the rage start to bubble up in your stomach.

“With all due respect, general, you know nothing of my situation.” Your tone left no room for argument, and silence enveloped you once more. But you needed to ask one question, and you feared the occasion would never present itself again. So you swallowed your indignation, and carefully spoke. “Have you ever seen his face?” you asked, hopeful. 

“I doubt anyone has,” he replied flatly. You sighed, disappointed but hardly surprised. You faintly felt the shuttle making the jump to lightspeed, and allowed yourself to be lulled to sleep by the soft vibrations of the ship, tears still staining your cheeks.

When you woke up, General Hux was gently shaking your arm. You opened your eyes with difficulty, and realized that you had landed. You had no idea where you were, and it took a second to remember your situation. Your face felt numb from all the crying, and you knew you must have looked a mess. You couldn’t find it in you to care. You probably weren’t even going to see his face, so why should you worry about yours?

Standing up, you felt slightly dizzy. Were you going to see him now? A quick look to General Hux somehow told you that it was very likely. He exchanged hushed words with members of the crew, and you heard the door unlocking behind you. Fear twisted your stomach, but your weak knees didn’t have time to give out before General Hux looped his arm around yours. He gently tugged you towards the door, and your vision blurred with the sudden brightness. You trusted him to lead you properly, as you tried to force your eyes to adapt to the light faster. 

By the time you could see clearly again, you were at the edge of the shuttle. You took in the docking bay, which was three times the size of the one back home. The sheer number of white helmets would have made you dizzy again, if you had been able to look at them. But they contrasted so violently with a black silhouette that you didn’t have time acknowledge the stormtroopers. 

Standing strangely alone for a man of his rank, he looked like a statue. You would have seriously doubted that he wasn’t in fact made of stone, if it hadn't been for all the black capes swirling around. He was tall, so very tall, and his shoulders seemed impossibly broad. But while you had been relieved to see that General Hux was taller than you when you had thought you were promised to him, you couldn’t bring yourself to care about Commander Ren’s massive silhouette. 

The only thing that you could really see was the cold, metal mask hiding his face. You couldn’t see his eyes behind it, and could only guess where they were, but somehow, a shiver ran through your body as you felt his icy glare fixed on you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you meet Kylo Ren and visit your new quarters

Standing there, on the edge of the shuttle, with General Hux by your side, and Kylo Ren looking like a metal statue, it was difficult for you to think. Part of it was your undeniable fear and nervousness, which seemed to be nailing you to the ground. If it hadn’t been for the general’s stabilizing arm around yours, you weren’t sure you would have managed to stand.  
But the fear wasn’t all of it. There was this peculiar, uncomfortable pressure on your brain, which resembled nothing you had ever felt before. It was as if someone was literally holding your brain in their hands, and examined it while you were still alive and conscious. It wasn’t physically painful, per se. But it was extremely unsettling. It took a second for you to gather yourself and figure out what was happening. 

‘He reads thoughts,’ the general had said. He was reading your thoughts right then and there, and there was nothing you could have done to stop him. You could feel yourself turning a bright red color. Just the idea of him knowing everything you were thinking made you feel like you were standing completely naked in front of him. General Hux seemed to feel your uneasiness, and gently squeezed your arm with his. For some reason, it helped you relax for a second, and you could have sworn that you had seen Kylo Ren shift every so slightly. 

General Hux then started to pull you down the ramp, and you were soon standing in front of the commander. Even though he wasn’t much taller than the general, his long, heavy capes and the metal mask made him look absolutely terrifying, even more so from up close. It was difficult to imagine a human being was hiding under all the fabric. Fear was once again freezing your entire body, as you faintly heard General Hux presenting you to each other. 

Commander Ren raised his right hand ever so slowly, and it felt like time froze as well. It took a second to realize that he was waiting for you to give him yours, which you finally managed to do. He should have kissed it, but the mask would obviously not allow him to do so. Instead, he held your hand for a few seconds, and you weren’t sure what to do. You couldn’t feel anything but inhuman cold through his thick gloves, and it felt like he was somehow sucking the warmth out of yours. A shiver ran through your body, and you tried to fight every single one of your instincts telling you to jerk your hand away. These few seconds felt like days. When he finally let your hand go, you tried to discreetly hide it inside the folds of your dress to warm it up and erase the presence of his fingers. 

“Wonderful,” General Hux said, and you thought you heard the slightest nervousness in his voice. You weren’t sure who outranked who between the two men, but one certainly seemed a hundred times more terrifying, and you knew who you would rather not have the misfortune of angering. Unfortunately, that would be your future husband. “Now that you are introduced, I shall walk Miss Y/L/N to her quarters.” He seemed to hesitate ever so slightly, probably waiting for Kylo Ren’s approval. 

“Take her to mine,” an almost inhuman voice said finally, and it took a second for your to realize Kylo Ren was the one who had just spoken. His voice was impossibly deep through the modifier, and slightly robotic. Great, so you didn’t get to hear his real voice either. You were starting to feel like you would perhaps never get to see any proof of his humanity.

He turned around sharply, and left quickly, somehow commanding the troops to stand aside without speaking. Maybe that was the Force, you thought without having a clue in the world if that was really what it was. He disappeared, and it felt like your brain had finally been let go and put back in its place. You allowed yourself to breathe, starting to feel slightly dizzy from the whole situation. 

“Fantastic! Shall we?” General Hux asked, and you could hear the pity in his voice, even through his unnecessary enthusiasm. You registered the fact that you had just been sent to Kylo Ren’s quarters, which probably meant you weren’t going to get your own. How did this day manage to keep on getting worse with every passing second?

You took the general’s arm with a sigh, and you made your way through the unfamiliar, cold base. Every hall looked the same to you, and though you were trying to remember the way from the docking bay to Kylo Ren’s apartments, it all started to blur together after about four turns. You sighed again, realizing it was useless. You wouldn’t be running away any time soon.

“Well, this is it. I’m afraid this is where I leave you,” General Hux said after a long while. You looked around, confused, before spotting a discreet door in the metal wall. 

“How am I supposed to get in?” you asked, almost annoyed at him, although you knew he had done nothing wrong. 

“You place your finger on the pad, I presume,” he answered politely, though you could see him slip back into his military stance and strict attitude. You turned around, and did as you were instructed. The fact that the door somehow opened despite not having given your fingerprint to anyone, and especially not Kylo Ren, made you shiver. 

“Thank you for escorting me here safely, general. I hope to have the pleasure to see you soon,” you politely said. He gave you a tiny smile.

“If all goes well, and let’s hope for all our sakes that it does, that would be at your wedding. You take care of yourself until then, Miss Y/L/N,” he reached out to lightly touch your elbow with a grave look on his face. Your stomach dropped, and you gave him a small nod, before turning around to enter the commander’s quarters. 

The first thought that you had as you heard the door heavily close behind you, was that you were probably trapped inside, but you resisted to urge to check. The second was that this was incredibly inappropriate, and that Kylo Ren really should have given you your own quarters before the marriage. The third was that propriety was probably the least of his concerns, and that with all the layers of heavy wool and thick leather and cold metal, it was unlikely for anything inappropriate to actually happen anyway. 

The quarters themselves were cold, like the rest of the base. It didn’t look like anyone was living here. It seemed so impersonal, with the bare metal walls, the clean, shiny tables and the empty cabinets and shelves. It even smelled like someone had just cleaned out the whole place with bleach. 

You noticed another discreet door, and when you pushed it open, you felt your entire body freeze. On the other side, you walked into the bedroom you were going to be sharing with your future husband by the looks of it. It was like the rest of the quarters, all metal and black and sterile. You barely noticed a table in the corner with two chairs, shelves hanging from the walls in various places, and yet another door. But none of it really mattered.

All you could see was the gigantic bed in the middle of the room. It was simple, like the rest, with delicate black sheets over a heavy blanket, with too many pillows to count. The mattress looked impossibly thick, and the whole thing was high enough that you would have to actually climb into it when the time came. It seemed big enough to get lost inside the covers at night, and it would have looked extremely cozy and comfortable if you hadn’t known who you would be sharing it with.

You stepped forward, and ran your fingers on the bed. Somehow, all you could think was that this would be your prison from now on. It didn't matter how warm and welcoming it looked, you would have rather slept on the cold metal floor. But you knew very well that it wasn’t an option.

You forced yourself to move on from the bedroom, and go visit the bathroom and closet. But you weren’t really paying attention to any of it. The shower should have been exciting with it’s ridiculous number of buttons on the wall, and the closet was surprisingly full of beautiful clothes, half of which were for you, unless your future husband liked silk dresses. There was even a drawer full of beautifully crafted weapons, which was the last thing you expected, and seemed a ridiculous thing to have for a commander sharing a room with a complete stranger. But your mind was fixated on that damned bed and who you would be sharing it with. 

A door slammed closed somewhere in the quarters, and you jumped, turning around quickly. Although the reasonable side of you knew that it was probably ‘just’ Kylo Ren, you instinctively grabbed the sharpest looking thing in the drawer, and hurried to hide in the hanging clothes.

You waited there, trying to disappear in the corner, a hand clasped on your mouth and the other holding the weapon tightly. You closed your eyes, trying to calm down and gather the courage to go and check who was in your private quarters, but you felt a cold, gloved hand jerk you out of your hiding space before you could move a muscle.

You screamed as loud as you could, before opening your eyes and realizing you were face to face with a cold, metal mask. The pressure on your brain was back, and the gloved hand let go of your arm. You could feel your heart beating in your ears, and you pressed a hand to your chest, trying your best to calm down. 

“I’m sorry, I thought-” you began saying when he cut you off. 

“Are you already planning to murder me?” he asked, his calm, distant voice resonating in the room. You thought he was joking for a second, but there was no humor in his tone. 

“No, of course not! I didn’t realize-” you tried again, but he went on.

“Because you’ll be needing a much bigger blade,” he added, before turning around and walking out of the closet.

You let out a breath, before following him through the bathroom, back to the bedroom. You tried your best not to think about the bed, knowing he would hear it as soon as the thought popped in your head. It wasn’t working.

“I apologize, I thought you were someone else.” You could hear the fear in your voice.

“Were you expecting someone else to visit you in our private quarters? So soon? General Hux maybe?” he asked very seriously, and you let out a strangled laugh at the thought. 

“Surely you must be joking. I simply thought someone had come to… It’s not important. I wasn’t trying to murder you, and I wasn’t waiting for anyone, not even you to be perfectly honest. I’ll be in the bathroom,” you finally said, before turning around, and leaving the dreaded bedroom behind for a while. You had a hard time processing his outrageous allegations and his cold presence, so you didn’t bother to try. You were hoping that he wouldn’t follow you, and thankfully he didn’t.

When you came back into the bedroom after a long shower and after slipping into comfortable night clothes, it was about an hour later, and he was long gone, and the pressure on your brain with him. You sighed in relief. You were hoping that he wouldn’t be coming back for the night, that he would find another place to sleep for the night. Surely that wouldn’t be too hard for the commander to do. 

You checked that the door was closed properly, went to the closet to get one of the smaller knives to hide under your pillow just in case, before slipping into the heavy covers of the ridiculously large bed. You expected thoughts of dark, threatening strangers and forced marriage to keep you awake forever. You fell asleep immediately.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you have your first conversation with Kylo Ren. it's kind of a disaster.

A pressure on your brain startled you awake, and you sat up quickly, trying to remember where you were. Despite the heavy covers, you could feel the cold air in the room, and you were shivering. Pulling the blanket up to cover your entire body up to your chin, you looked around the room, and remembered with a heavy heart that this was your new home. 

Movement behind the door caught your eyes, and it clicked in your head that Kylo Ren was here. Was he watching you sleep? You quickly got out of bed and started heading straight to the living room, only to run into a wall. Wait, no, not a wall. 

You looked up and your eyes met the cold, metal mask you hated so much already. He was standing in the middle of the room, infuriatingly calm and solid. He hadn’t even flinched, while you had struggled not to fall from the impact. And now, he was completely silent, refusing to speak despite having been the one possibly caught watching you.

“What are you doing here?” you finally asked, hoping your voice sounded as commanding and calm as you had intended. Somehow, you had the feeling that you hadn’t quite succeeded in asserting your authority over the commander.

“You mean why am I standing here, in my own quarters? I seem to recall you being my guest, not the other way around,” he replied, his voice cold and metallic. You felt yourself shiver at the sound, knowing this distant, unfamiliar man would become your husband. The thought of your future wedding was omnipresent, and everything seemed to lead you back to it. Whether you were shivering in fear or disgust, you couldn’t tell yet.

“Were you watching me sleep?” you blurted, trying desperately to keep thoughts of your future wedding out of your head.

“Don’t flatter yourself. I don’t want to be with you more than you want to be with me. I came here to change. I have better things to do than watching you sleep,” he replied, his condescending tone making you grind your teeth in anger.

“Please don’t read my mind. It’s incredibly rude, and it’s making me uncomfortable,” you tried to keep your composure, although the shame of having been caught thinking about how much you hated this arrangement was making you blush. 

“It’s difficult to avoid listening to your thoughts when they’re so loud. I understand that you don’t want to be with me, but the choice isn’t yours to make, so I suggest you get used to it quickly,” he replied, the emotion still disturbingly absent from his voice. How could he be okay with this? If he knew that you would never love him, why agree to this? 

He flinched ever so slightly at this, and you understood that he had heard you thinking this. 

“Listen, I-” you started, feeling guilt washing over you. You had not meant to be so harsh, especially because this was your first real conversation with the man you would spend the rest of your life with, and you weren’t ready to give up on the hope that you could at the very least come to respect one another.

“There’s no need to explain. You’ve made yourself perfectly clear,” he cut you off, sounding even colder, more distant somehow, if that was even possible.

“You’re right. I don’t want to marry you. But my parents decided for me. You, on the other hand, have no excuse. If I repulse you so much, you should have said no,” you said, trying to find the words and hearing how wrong it all sounded. Why was it so difficult to speak to him? You could have sworn you saw him pause for a fraction of a second. 

“I agreed to this marriage to save your father from multiplying assassination attempts.” It was your turn to pause. Assassination attempts? Surely he was lying, your parents would have told you if this was the reason you had been sold off to a stranger. Right? “I have no reason to lie to you about something like this,” he added, clearly responding to your thoughts. This was such an unsettling way to communicate. 

“What do you mean? Who wants to hurt my father?” you finally asked, choosing to focus on the spoken words rather than the thoughts you couldn’t control. 

“We don’t know. You wouldn’t be here if we did. This alliance strengthens your father’s position in the First Order, and Supreme Leader Snoke clearly thinks that this is the best way to avoid his death,” he explained calmly. But it felt like there was more to it. Your mother had mentioned that you were expected to help him control whatever anger you had yet to see in him.

“So when are we to be wed?” you sighed, accepting that saving your father’s life was perhaps the best reason to marry a complete stranger, and give up on any hope to find your one true love. 

“We first have to announce our engagement. I will be officially proposing to you in front of the First Order next week. I assume you already know that I will only be asking as a formality,” he said, and you nodded. 

“Of course,” you replied, having been taught all the ceremonies, protocols, and formalities that came with an arranged marriage long ago. Kylo Ren would be getting down on one knee in front of the most influential and powerful officials of the First Order, and there would be hell to pay if you were crazy enough to refuse. 

“Then we will observe the traditional engagement period of three months, during which you will accompany me on official business. The wedding will happen three months after the official proposal, and not a day later,” he announced, as though he were telling you about the weather. 

“Is this how it will be between us then? All business, not attempts to even get to know one another?” you suddenly asked, angry at the fact that you cared so much about it all, and that he appeared to not care at all. He seemed to want to step forward for a second, as though the physical distance between you two was the problem.

He seemed to change his mind. “Trust me, we have nothing to gain from getting attached to each other. Supreme Leader Snoke has taught me that love makes you weak, and weakness gets you killed,” he finally said. 

“That sounds like a very lonely way to live,” you replied with sadness obvious in your voice. 

“It’s the only way to survive.” You still weren’t convinced, and he seemed to pick up on it once again. “You loved your parents, and they sold you off as soon as it benefited them to do so. I was there when they made the deal with Snoke. They didn’t even hesitate. Everyone will betray you if you give them the chance. You would do well to learn quickly,” he added, without a care in the world for your breaking heart. You felt burning tears running down your face. 

“Why do you have to be so cruel?” you finally asked angrily. He cocked his head sideways.

“There is nothing cruel about telling the truth,” he replied simply.

“But you’re not telling the truth. My parents didn’t betray me, they did what they always said they were going to do. Marrying someone for the benefit of my family was always going to be my duty,” you said, hearing the anger in your voice. “My parents have never been anything but honest when it came to my future.”

“It’s interesting that you would defend them, even after I told you about the assassination attempts that they had clearly hidden from you. It seems like placing you in the middle of all this isn’t the most loving gesture.” His mechanic voice was becoming so irritating, and you were getting angrier by the second. 

“It’s interesting that you would presume to teach me about trust and lies and deceit, when you constantly hide behind a literal mask. How can I trust anything you say, when I don’t know if you’re even human? Are you the real Kylo Ren? Are you really the man I’m supposed to marry?” You knew that you could get in serious trouble for questioning him like this, and even worse for suggesting that he was an imposter. Besides, the constant pressure on your brain should have been proof enough that he was Kylo Ren. But he had clearly tried to hurt you by saying that your parents had been lying traitors who didn’t care about you, and there was no controlling your anger now. 

“You’re weak. You allow your emotions to control you too much,” he replied, avoiding every question you had just asked. But you wanted answers.

“That’s easy to say when layers of metal and leather and capes mask every emotion you might show. You don’t need control to hide any of it. Even your voice is changed by that stupid helmet,” you wanted to scream, but were trying your best to keep a normal, if not respectful volume. And then, before you could really stop yourself, “Take your mask off.” Your voice was calm now, demanding, and for the first time, he betrayed himself by taking a step back. 

“No.” His tone was final. But you weren’t done. 

“We are to be married, I deserve to see the face of the man I will be sharing my life with! Take off your mask.” You knew you should have stopped, but you couldn’t. 

“I said no.” This did nothing to change your mind, and you took a step forward, reaching out with surprisingly steady hands. 

For a moment, you thought he was going to let you do it. Your fingers were about to touch the metal covering his face, and he had yet to make a single movement that would imply that he wanted to stop you. You were holding your breath, eager to discover his face. 

It all happened too fast for your brain to process any of it. One second, your fingers were touching the cold metal, the next, the air was being knocked out of your lungs as your back violently hit the wall ten feet behind where you had been previously standing. An invisible pressure, much like the one on your brain, was maintaining your entire body immobile against the steel. Kylo Ren had one arm extended in front of him, and it became brutally clear that he was using the Force to manipulate your body. 

You wanted to fight back, struggle against the pressure on your limbs, but you couldn’t move a finger. The thought that he could do just anything to you was absolutely terrifying, and in that moment, you would probably have been frozen from fear anyways. You closed your eyes, trying to fight back at first. As seconds passed, you started giving up, knowing very well that you were completely powerless against that Force. 

You were having difficulty breathing, though you somehow knew that was from the impact, and not because he was choking you. Nevertheless, the Force wasn’t helping, and you started feeling dizzy. Then, all of a sudden, all the pressure was gone and you painfully hit the floor, your entire body still shaking from the shock of it all. You looked up with difficulty, only to find that you were alone in the room.


End file.
